The Archives (Old Poems)


Abuse Poem

Please, just close my eyes
The lashes flutter
A teasing shutter
But I can still see

I don't want to feel anymore
My skin is urgently pressed
As I'm being undressed
By hands that don't love me

Shut out the sound
Of his panting, dry breath
I'm lying here scared to death
Wishing I were not myself

Don't let him hear me cry
He will only hurt me worse
It's already so perverse
But I can't fight against him

I'm just a little kid
He's just a family friend
Who says that we play pretend
When he comes into my room

Would you help me vanish now
Slipping through rough sheets
A forgotten ghost to haunt the streets
Never to go back again

Please, just close my eyes
Where he touches I can feel
My body screaming out it's real
And I am all alone
“In the garden of my mind lies a bittersweet existence.”

Mind twists in distorted garden of memories
Entangling each other in the mass…
Vines of childhood malnourished yet…
Trees that mark shames overshadow the flowers
that tell the triumphs in the summer of life
colors muted by the darkness

Thoughts of doubts sprout up like weeds
a gardener’s hand of compliments and assurances
can’t upturn or yank from the red clay
The clay that coats the brain
Keeps the mistakes like footprints in wet sand

Thin blades of grass, the loves, before and now
Brown, withered trampled by time or
Light green, small just waiting to thrive
Some in between the hands of fate
Lost among the insects

Sunshine of family gives life to the growth
Shining on all things, good and bad
to give a chance of better things
and tangled obstacles to climb through
Leaving sunflowers in its wake

Please tell me how to forget and I will
Ask me not to see you, when I close my eyes
Erase your name from my memory
Stop my crying, when I say I love you still

Silence your voice that resounds in my ears
Take back the times you spoke words of love
Clean the fingerprints, from where you touched my heart
Say you don't care, when I can't stop the flow of tears

Give me the peace, to fall asleep without you
Help me face the morning, when you aren't by my side
Mend the fragile heart you have broken
Gift to me a dream that will finally come true

Lend me the strength to withstand the world's bitter chill
Please tell me how to forget you...because I love you still
    A Touch Too Much

I didn't want to notice you...
But you bumped into me
And as I looked into your eyes
I began to see

I didn't want to care for you
But then you took my hand
And as I sat there thinking
I began to understand

I didn't want to be your friend
But then you dried my tears
And as my frown disappeared
So did all my fears

I didn't want to love you
But you gave my heart a touch
So I fell and couldn't speak
From just one touch too much
     Hands Clasped in Prayer

Tears stream down a cherub-like face
An open mouth, but no anguished cry
A torment no one can erase
With hands clasped in prayer

Peering out from behind a mask of pain
No one cares to help her plight
People pass by...there is nothing to gain
She waits for an angel to come

Alone and scared, she cannot sleep
Wanting someone to hold her close
Praying the Lord...her soul to keep
She stares at the stars for signs

She is a good girl, at least she tries
The world acknowledges no lost souls
Why did God close his eyes?
Just another lamb without a name

During the night her life did cease
She will not awaken with the sun
Now, at last, she has found peace
Becoming the angel she hoped to find

Just a simple grave without a stone
No services were held to mourn her death
At least now she is not alone
With hands clasped in prayer


The box of apartments
Would be concrete
In their interment
If one couldn’t see
Neighbors and sunlight
Through large windows
Preschool Teacher

Chalky little handprints upon her black jeans
Of various colors and sizes
As she sits with them on the sidewalk
Teaching them the alphabet
While the weather is still nice
After this, there'll be numbers
And nap time
Still after, snack time
Then the parents will come
And she will let them go
As she always does
With no babes of her own
They are all hers
Another Day

Pain flooded leaving damp imprints
Caressing without binding

Sunlight danced on sleeping lovers
Eyelids closed, bodies rise

A mother’s words drift forward
Provoking thoughts and smiles

Every long, dark night
Is survived and surpassed


I hope winter sleeps
Sometime soon
His havoc is
By spring as she
Is either too lazy
Or gentle to fight

I'm still here in my
Hometown collecting
Stones along the sidewalk
And pretending they're
Sea shells

Remember me
Soon you'll be wishing
I were here instead of
Me for you
I slip through life
Most days as I begin
To wish it too
Without Music

Merry laughter compares to bells
But bells would have the pitch
Of drums
Drums that help a marching
Army keep time
Yet time without melody moves
Slowly, there would be less
Joy is already difficult enough
To capture, even with music’s
Merry laughter
Happy Birthday to
You!  Would you like a haiku?
I forgot a gift
Sexy Seeking Someone

I hope you think I’m a looker
And that I’m really hot
But if you don’t, remember,
Few look good in their mug shot!

Elijah (Second Battle of Bull Run)

Men ready for war...customary
Succession winter, February
Though some had said it temporary
She had known better

She lost her brother at Bull Run
Her best friend had lost a son
South had hailed that they won
Or were winning, at any rate

So she doffed her dress, put on a cap
Took her compass, rolled her map
And crossed every hill and gap
Dressed as a man from the north

Walking through the August heat
Treading softly, light of feet
Marching to a drummer's beat
In the Second Wisconsin Infantry

They stopped at John Brawner's Farm
Waiting for a signal or raise of alarm
Knowing many would come to harm
She readied her weapon to fight anyway

Waiting for it to begin
Goosebumps danced along her skin
As she could hear above the din
Enemies in neat little lines

Watching others fall like dominoes
Toppling in their formal rows
Conviction stifles fear, you'd suppose
But not facing down a thousand guns

Guns unloaded, she was shot
A pain flared, hard and hot
She jerked back and almost forgot
What she had been there for

She shot her bullet and watched it collide
With a young boy on the enemy side
But felt no honor or sense of pride
He was younger than she by far

A second bullet tore through her chest
Sent her sprawling, clothing messed
Struggling to regain consciousness lest
She become just another casualty

Feeling her life wither and fade
Medics tried with no progress made
To revive her while the chaplain prayed
For the dead woman they called Elijah

Roses yawn upward, spreading their petals
Toward an unabashedly large sky, winking
With bright sunlight against the clouds
Clouds as white as his sheets and skin
Tucked around each other in his
Hospital bed

Smells of scorching asphalt assault
Mixing flowers, trees, highway and earth
Memories awash in summer days
Days gone past as eighty years
Fading memories, he remembers
Her scent

Children’s footsteps echo on the sidewalk
Laughter, the contrast to a lazy afternoon
Wind carries the rumble of buzzing bees
Bees working beyond the open windows
The Priest stays by his side giving
Last rites

Chilled room makes his skin sweat
Scared, he begins to shiver and moan
Every pain he felt, drifts away slowly
Slowly, a familiar hand rests in his
A mother holds her child in the next room
Feeling blessed

When do sheep
That we count
We always need
More than they
Why leap a fence
It is much too
Quietly walking
By would be
Do digits adorn
Wool when they’re
Without numbers
It can get very
Has one ever tripped
Or messed up and
It would wake you
But may be

The Lake

A boat slipped silently
Left and right with each
Wave like a small, empty
Ladle made to rest on cold
Tall, gray mountains
Ringed the sloping shoreline
As vain, old women
Trying to see if they're pretty
Spending centuries lost
In reflections
Dark shadows stretch and yawn
Desperately moving to gobble
Entire glass surface inch
By nefarious
Ducks glide oblivious between
Man and mountain
Dreams of Balloons

Thoughts drift too far
Over-inflated balloons
Red against a field of blue
Longing to glide
Bobbing eagerly on edge
Tugging their tethers
Agreeing with air currents
It is time to go

Sky waits as an empty
Jar to be filled
Up by thoughts and actions
Or remain
Blank with promise
And illusions
Of fluffy but moving islands
Called clouds

Eggshell white scroll tumbles
And rests within
Helium making no impact
On its position
In a round, rubber cell
Holding ink lighter than
Feathers but heavy
With dreams

One swift decision and balloons
Float uninhibited
No one there to grab them again
Closing in
On a forever patch of sky
One hearts desire to skim across
But are too afraid
Balloons don’t anchor in doubt
Winter Parking Lot

Frigid water settles
In dips of pavement
And shimmers
Gray-black like oiled
Goose flesh
An echo of stale
Slate clouds
Shielding a warm
Precious sun
From winter's
Probing gaze
Winter Comes

Barrels set to burning
Stained newspaper fuel
Carelessly discarded matchbook

Mismatched, ill fitting clothes
Numerous black garbage bags
A soiled, tattered blanket

Few care if homeless teenagers find warmth

If I Were Never Born

There would be no sadness
Grief comes with concrete blocks
Called loss and not another life
There are other lovers, friends
Different yet equal to what
I would be so no, not loss…

But small tongues of sunlight licking
A bare corner inside their hearts
When they hear what would have
Been my name
And it echoes from somewhere
No one ever knew
Was empty
Starving Artist

Thirty three years my life blossomed and thrived
As an artist my pen ssscccratched on the page
On one night inspiration couldn’t be revived
Standing slowly, I felt twice my age

Nighttime neared, and I became chilled
Lightning lingered in the sky
Something scary came charging up the hill
Hideous and hurrying… it had red, peering eyes

"No!" I screamed, and ran across the room
Death strolled down the walk
With him came impending doom
And I found I could no longer talk

Tap, Tap, Tap on my front door
Bang! It flew open like a shot
I found that I could stand no more
Fainted right there on the spot

When I saw him standing there
Black cloak swishhhhing in the breeze
Opaque, opal bones so bare
In realization I fell, to my knees

He picked me up in his bony grasp
And I tried to gasp for breath
All I let out was a final rasssssp
I, myself, succumbed to death

They buried me in the soft dirt
Now I don a cloak of black
Funny, Death didn’t even hurt
Tonight someone else dies that I bring back

Maybe an artist of pen to page
Suddenly feeling twice her age
Land of Sorrow

I work like Novocain
Taste the sugar, rot the brain
Come with me and feel no pain
To my land of sorrow

There is no time, make no remark
On a journey you’ll embark
Through the dank and through the dark
To my land of sorrow

Arms of death will wrap around
You’ll want to speak but make no sound
Feet no longer touch the ground
In my land of sorrow

You can’t escape, though you may try
Plenty of time to wonder why
You can’t utter a single cry
In my land of sorrow

I work like Novocain
Taste the sugar, rot the brain
Come with me and feel the pain
To my land of sorrow

100% Unsure

Certain possibilities plausibly
Exist in a concrete world
Guaranteeing probable outcomes
Scratched in paper stone
Sunlit night slowly rushes
Onward to a past in blacker
Shades of white
Housing logical sentimentality
We stop, trudging in merry sadness
Breathing stagnant chaos
Crying our dry tears
Back-to-back, completely alone

I could taste the tick-tock of
Talking tongues
Whooshing waves of
Breath on skin
Washing me
As acrobatic lips
Arched to articulate

I smelled the sickly
Tang of sweat
Observed shifting eyes,
Shuffled feet
Heard through pockets of
Punctuated silence
Vivid, clear unsaid salty


I once was a magic seed
Of thought
Nourished among roots
Desire and love
Nestled deep in soil
Rich with possibility
Two halves from wholes
Collided to make me
Strong, solid, secure
A product of joy
I grew...

Now, a lover's roots
Entwine mine underneath
A sun-drenched surface


White Ship

Slips from
Boat's port side
Washing out like mold
Until only pristine blue knots
Tangle and trip, spraying foam droplets along the sides
Salty braided ropes dangle down
Fingers graze a wet
Surface and



My kitchen faucet leaks
It has for weeks
I hear its splashing echoes
Throughout the house

I try desperately to sleep
But lie awake and weep
Not because everything
Falls apart, just me

Pain is supposed to come
With absence of all sound
Shutting the world out
A hurricane a whispered shout

But my each step forces
A groan from the floor
Each breath reveals
Sobs half-concealed

I listen to the dripping
It mimics subtle tripping
Of my heart when I think
About when I saw you last

My eyes look swollen shut
So puffy from crying but
I stand and stare wondering
If I lost myself

I scrub my salt-trailed face
Retreating to the dark
Turning off the bathroom light
Realizing that I might

The water patters louder so
I brace my hammer by the sink
Hearing humming in my blood
I smash it watching the damn house flood

My pink slippers squish onto the lawn
Tears and water equally mix in
No longer distinguished on my skin
You didn't look back, neither did I